It's common knowledge that children are born with genetic traits inherited from parents and grandparents. It doesn't take long however, for parents and caregivers to recognize their child is an individual with a personality and other qualities that are uniquely their own.

One example of this is the way in which a child experiences or expresses their gender identity; their sense of who they are as a boy, a girl or someone who may be a little of both.

Your male-bodied child may prefer traditionally feminine clothing, or your female-bodied child might enjoy rough and tumble play and refuse to wear dresses and skirts. They may express themselves in other ways that, while natural and comfortable for them, don't fit neatly into stereotypical "boy" or "girl" behavior.

From Matt Kailey, Author of "Just Add Hormones: An Insider's Guide to the Transsexual Experience":

"Youth today are generally more sophisticated and knowledgeable than ever before, thanks to the Internet, which provides them with a wealth of information, resources, and connections. However, youth experiencing gender issues can still feel confused, isolated, and afraid."

"How the adults in his or her life respond will have a huge impact on how a transgender youth feels about him- or herself, and how well that youth can accept and manage his or her feelings. It is important for teachers, social workers, and others who work with youth to be aware of and alert to the possibility of gender struggles in young people."

Click here to read Matt Kailey's "Ten Tips for Working with Trans Youth"

New Hampshire Public Radio: Transgender Children

Two Families

Transgender children often face fears of rejection from peers, but when it is their parents who reject them, the situation is much worse. A recent study conducted by Caitlin Ryan, director of the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University reveals that gender non-conforming children who are rejected by their parents or caregivers are more likely to be depressed, ideate or attempt suicide and experience substance abuse issues that those who are supported in their gender expression.

Having a gender non-conforming or transgender child does not mean you have done something wrong. Your child's internal sense of their gender identity wasn't 'caused' by their environment, upbringing or anything that a parent or caregiver did or did not do.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, by age three a child has a clear sense of their own gender identity.

"The best advice I can give parents is to just let [their kids] be themselves, at their own pace and in their own comfort level... listen to what they are telling you."
Shawn - age 15

"When is it my turn to be a boy?"
Female bodied child - age 4

"A phase is called a phase because it is just that. It ends. This is just getting stronger. Your child is who they are. You should love them for who they are."
Renee - mother of Jazz

"The worst thing you can do to your kid is to say, 'I don't love you because of who you are.'"
Dr. Jo Olson, Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, California

The Parent Access to Gender Expression Support (PAGES) group meets on the First Thursday of every month from 7:00-8:30 PM in Portland, Oregon. All family members (including extended family) are welcome to attend.

TransActive staff and guest speakers will offer school, medical, legal, psychological, safety and social interaction related information as well as referrals and support to families of gender non-conforming, gender fluid and/or transgender children and youth age 18 and under.

Perhaps the most valuable component of these sessions is the opportunity to connect with other families of children and youth who do not express or experience their gender identity in a way that conforms to existing stereotypes or social expectations.

Contact us by email or by phone about attending a PAGES group meeting at:

Email
or
503-252-3000